nothing particularly exciting to report for this week. lots of waiting. i once again found myself running out of acoustic caulk way more quickly than i realized and i'm currently waiting on another shipment of 12 28oz tubes which should be here tomorrow. i can't really do anymore drywalling in the iso booths until i get that stuff for the wall corners. painting in the main room is at least a week and a half behind schedule. the only work that has been done thus far is a coat of primer on the ceiling.
in general, this has been a real shit week. the reality of how much money i'm spending on stuff and how much money i no longer have is really catching up with me. the reality of how long everything has taken and the mountain of stuff left to do is really getting to me. i'm realizing that had i known months ago what i now know about room acoustics, there are many things i would have done very differently and i'm worried i may have really screwed myself over in terms of certain angles and stuff. i'm having lots of "oh shit" moments, like the discovery tonight that temperature/humidity changes of late seem to have caused portions of the floor leveling stuff i put down months and months ago to start cracking all the way through and lifting off the floor. i'm trying to work my way out of several corners i unwittingly backed myself into over the past few months, like the way i wired things for lighting, or the way i sized the doorways, or the way i framed the bulkheads. overall i'm in a real "i don't know what i'm doing, i've fucked everything up, i'm really fucking stupid for trying to do all this shit myself, this thing is going to be a complete disaster when it's done. if by some miracle it ever is done" funk.
it's been really wearing down on me too that for every evening i do have help with the studio, there are 4 or 5 other evenings where i was supposed to have help, but the people offerering to help were sick/had something come up/forgot about prior plans/had water pipes freeze/were abducted by aliens/god only knows what else. and it's kind of weird, but the reliability of any given person is actually inversely proportional to the amount of money i'm paying them. go figure. i think about 1/3 of my life right now is spent having "can you still make it tonight?....no?.....well, i'm really sorry your dog died....and your grandmother's sick....and your house was robbed....ok, when can you make it again?....well, tell you what, how about you call me when you do know?" conversations. when i do get help, it's usually only for like 2-3 hours at a time. i'm more than grateful for the help i do get, but all that non-help in between is wearing me down.
i would kill to find people to come help me for like a good, solid 8 hours on a saturday or something, but i've long since resigned myself to that never happening. i'm trying to juggle sooo many different things right now and the degree of multitasking i'm finding myself having to do right now is making me sink further and further into the lake of despair and insanity. i'm no longer thinking clearly about the studio, or anything for that matter. sleep is sucking royally these days--my brain keeps me awake spewing angst continuously until about 6am every day until i finally crash and get a few hours of dreaming-about-everything-negative-imaginable sleep. the rational part of me knows that the best thing to do would be for me to take a break from studio stuff for a week or two and clear my head and recharge my batteries. but the rest of me....well, yeah, whatever...
sorry for being all down and goth-teenager-like, i just figured that if i spewed my thoughts into the intarweb, maybe they'll leave me alone tonight and let me sleep.